Kianah Jay
My friend Rahad introduced me to Kianah. Rahad and I were developing a film that I had written and planned on directing. Rahad was set to star in the film. We were looking to fill one of the roles, and when I told Rahad that I was having a difficult time finding someone to play a particularly edgy female character, Rahad said he had seen a girl in the neighborhood and that he would approach her next time he saw her.. A few weeks later, Rahad texted me saying that he had found the girl: Kianah. We all met over tacos at Home State, and discussed how to bring my script to life. Little progress has been made on the movie, but in Kianah I found a multi-talented artist who just happened to be mixed. When I approached her about participating in The PartBlack Project, Kianah agreed with an air of cool nonchalance I have learned is her default mode of being.
She was gracious enough to let me photograph her performance at Echo Park Rising. A few weeks after her show we met downtown before another of her performances, and made some fun images out in the streets of Los Angeles.
1) Do you identify as Black? White? Mixed? Bi-Racial? Something else?
I identify as American Black, usually. I feel it embodies me best although depending on the situation, I use different words.
2) Who are some PartBlack people who have inspired you?
Barack Obama, Lenny Kravitz, Sade, and so many more.
3) Which public figure, of any ethnicity, has had the greatest influence on your life? (This can be an artist, scientist, musician, filmmaker, philosopher, athlete, politician, writer — anyone.)
I was a freshmen in high school when Obama got elected. I cried that night because I felt my world expand. I don’t typically admire politicians and have never wanted to go into politics but as a public figure, Obama’s influence cannot he denied.
4) Are there any fictional characters from film or literature that have influenced your life? How?
Hermoine Granger from Harry Potter was an example of someone who was bright, innovative, and helpful. She was also muggle born (born to non-magic parents) but was still an outstanding witch. She never let prejudice slow her down.
5) What countries have you traveled to, and how does your physical appearance influence how people treat you around the world?
I’ve been to Canada, France, Germany, Poland, and Greece. In some places, like France, I didn’t feel like my skin color had an affect on how I was treated. France has a lot of black people. Canadians have a culture of kindness so I also felt nothing there. In Germany, I’ve only been to Berlin. It’s very liberal and global there. People seemed interested in my blackness. Blackness was almost trendy. A few times, I was asked about my ethnicity. When I’d say I was Black, the Germans would ask “from where?”. In Germany, most of the Black people are the children of African immigrants. A few times, I had to explain that American Black is an ethnicity on its own because of the manner in which Black people were brought to the United States (the slave trade and colonization). In Poland, my appearance received a lot of attention. I don’t know if I was experiencing prejudice. It felt more like many people had never seen someone who looks like me. In Greece, my look was a novelty. People came up to me and asked me for photos. That was strange.
6) Are there other PartBlack people in your life, and/or how do you feel when you meet another person who is PartBlack?
I have half-siblings that are half-white half-black. When I meet other half-black people, I feel curious about their background. My immediate hope is that we can talk about our experiences together. I want to experience kinship. I wonder what their upbringing was like and what their cultural identity is.
7) What assumptions do people make about you because of your ethnicity?
Some people assume I’m full black. Other than that, I really don’t know.
8) What are your thoughts on descriptors like light-skinned, high yellow, Mulatto, etc?
When used as descriptors, those words are fine however I don’t believe we should be using them as compliments, given the socioeconomic consequences of being born with dark skin. “Lighter” should never be associated with “better”.
9) What are your feelings on the N-Word? Do you use it?
Sometimes when I’m with black people I use the N-word. I sing it if it’s in a song. It can be a term of endearment. Some people say it too much. Non-black people shouldn’t use it.
10) In your career, how has being PartBlack helped or hurt you?
I’m in music. My look is distinct which has helped me in immeasurable ways. I meet some Euro-American standards of beauty that allow me certain privileges in the music industry. I am able to easily bond with other black people in the industry because of a shared experience. Growing up in such a diverse family and culture, I’ve learned to code-switch between Black lingo and more professionally preferred vernacular.
11) Has ethnicity played a factor in your romantic relationships?
For a long time, I thought race didn’t play a role in my relationships but it certainly can. I’ve been fetishized. I’ve been judged for being interracial relationships. I’ve had partners not understand my experiences as a woman of color.
12) Growing up, do you feel that you experienced unique challenges being PartBlack?
I’m part Black part Native American. I was never enough of either. I didn’t look like my Native American mom and didn’t grow up around my black family. I had no black people around me. I always felt like a lone black child. My mom made it a point to buy me black barbies and baby dolls. She and I would watch Cosby and Fresh Prince. I remember seeing a black woman walking into our local grocery store in Northern New Mexico and immediately assumed we were related. Once, in kindergarten , I was playing on a dirt lot on an autumn day. Some older girls were playing chase. One of them dropped her pink furry jacket so I picked it up and held it out to her. She snatched it from my hands and said “Ewe, you’re dirty and brown”. Shocked, I cried at who I was. When I told the teachers, they reprimanded the girl. That was the first time I remember feeling discriminated against.
Growing up just outside of a reservation, I had many Native friends. We’d be playing and they’d start speaking Navajo (which I don’t know). I don’t know my native languages and neither did my mom. I was a black kid playing with the brown kids and I was still left out.
13) In general, are there benefits or challenges to being PartBlack?
I feel I benefit from being PartBlack. I enjoy my life and use my ethnicity to relate to others and expand my experience as a person.
14) Have you ever felt that your life would be easier if you were just one ethnicity?
No (unless that ethnicity was white). It wouldn’t be easier to be fully Black or fully Native American.
15) When was the first time someone referred to you as or directly called you a nigger?
I only remember being called nigger one time. I was walking down the street. A man drove by and called me “nigger lady”.
16) Have you had negative or racist thoughts about people who share any of your ethnicities.
Growing up in New Mexico, there were a lot of negative stereotypes about Native Americans having alcohol addictions. I was embarrassed when I’d see drunk Natives in the street or see one taking a field sobriety test on the side of the road.
17) Can you discuss some ways friends or family have made your life more difficult?
My family and friends are all very supportive.
18) Do you feel any obligation to any of the ethnicities or cultures in your background?
I feel a deep obligation to uplift and support Native American and Black communities.
19) Do you consider yourself political, and in what ways?
I’m political on a personal level. I like to pick the brains of people around me. I vote. I speak when I see injustice. Engaging on an interpersonal level is something I enjoy. I can’t afford not to be political.
20) What do you think the world could learn from PartBlack people?
Context matters. Love is stronger than race.
21) What would you tell your 12-year-old self?
Life gets better. You’re going to see so many different people in the world and everyone has a story. Enjoy your life. Be a kid.