Celine
Celine is the type of shop owner who passes slow parts of the day by hanging out in her door frame, chatting with neighborhood locals as they pass up and down Vermont Avenue on their way to Le Figaro Cafe, Skylight Books, the Los Feliz 3 movie theater, or any other of the numerous restaurants and bars on the Vermont strip. For years I would walk by Celine’s children’s store, La La Ling in Los Feliz, without ever having a reason to enter, but her storefront window always features cool tops for kids — Biggie or Tupac portraits, hip animal patterns, phrases to make adults and children laugh — and so after a while we struck up a conversation and became friendly with one another.
Celine was one of the first people I invited to be part of The PartBlack Project, and she was kind enough to share her time and thoughts.
Early one Saturday morning, we shot a series of candids in and around La La Ling, and the controlled portraits were shot in my home studio.
Do you self-identify as Black? Mixed? Bi-Racial? Something else?
I identify as mixed.
Are there any Partblack people who you admire, or look up to?
Although I wouldn’t describe it as admiration, as a young girl, I definitely looked to Mariah Carey as an example of what I could grow up to resemble. With her blonde hair and light skin, she was almost racially ambiguous and she made me feel like beautiful black girls came in all shades. It was exciting to look at her, with all of her talent and beauty, knowing she had a black parent and a white parent, and feeling like she was “like me”
Describe a time being PartBlack helped you:
In my experience, being PartBlack became a sort of party-trick. In social settings, it always turned out to be the easiest way to start a conversation…people would see me as nothing more than a white girl, and revealing to them that I was actually part black, instantly made me more interesting. It’s like having that one joke in your repertoire that you know gets the laughs every time. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them, and ultimately find it fascinating that I could look so white and yet have a black parent. It’s like being a unicorn. Who doesn’t want to be the most interesting person in the room?
Describe a time being PartBlack made things more difficult:
As a child, my life was very much divided between being with my white family, and being with my black family. The two didn’t often mix, as my parents divorced when I was very young. I distinctly remember my hair being the source of a lot of frustration when being with my white family. Spending my summers with my very french, very white, (and not so secretly racist) grandmother, it was obvious that when it came time to do my hair, she was way out of her league. My cousin’s sleek straight hair would be washed, dried, and parted into two cute ponytails, and she’d be off to play while I sat, for hours, getting MY hair untangled and braided to the best of my grandmother’s abilities.
When I turned about 8 I was obsessed with the idea of getting my hair straightened. I remember my stepmother and I looking for hair salons in our small french suburb. After trying the local hair salons, it wasn’t long until we realized none of the stylists there were trained to work with my hair texture, so we set our sights on specialized black salons. Walking into the black salons, with my white step mother, and my green eyes, blonde hair, and fair skin, we didn’t exactly receive warm welcomes. Being too black for the white salons and too white for the black salons, I ultimately convinced my stepmom to buy some industrial grade straightening products and try our luck at home. My hair suffered…but it was finally moving in the wind.
Your feelings on the N-Word:
I personally don’t feel comfortable using the N-Word. The main reason being my physical appearance. Most people who meet me don’t know that I’m mixed. During my formative teenage years, i used to religiously straighten my hair, which is arguably my most identifiable black feature, so I knew that the N-Word coming out of my mouth could be perceived as very offensive; I simply never wanted to take the risk. As a result, even around friends and family who know my background, the N-word just doesn’t sound natural coming from me.
(yes…I auto-censor myself when rapping along to Lil’ Kim alone in my car)
In addition, in regards to my upbringing within the black side of my family, I was essentially raised by women only and the N-Word just wasn’t really a word I heard around the house. As a matter of fact, I didn’t grow up cussing much at all, and part of me believes that had I been born with darker skin, it still wouldn’t have been part of my vocabulary.
As far as non-blacks using the N-Word, it absolutely offends me. I attended a high school in Los Angeles where the student body population was predominantly Latino, and in my experience, the majority of them freely used the N-Word. Although most of the time they wouldn’t use it in front of black students, they definitely did in front of me not knowing that I was mixed. Maybe the fact that I didn’t allow MYSELF the freedom to say the N-Word, out of respect for others who would be offended by my use of it, made me more sensitive to their casual relationship with it. Regardless, I’ve always found it to be highly offensive.
In general, are there unique challenges to being PartBlack?
I think my experience might differ from most, because of the way that I look. I get to choose whether or not to reveal my ethnic background. However, by the same token, my physical appearance becomes a challenge in regards to feeling like I have to prove myself as being black. I think it’s safe to say that most people who are Partblack have at some point felt pressured to prove their “blackness”.
In general, are there unique benefits to being PartBlack?
Besides being beautiful?
Quite honestly, I almost consider being PartBlack a privilege. Coming from a mixed background is the future, it’s the way mankind is evolving. As races blend, and histories merge, being multiracial is becoming the new normal, and there’s something rather powerful about knowing your mere being represents just that.
Generally speaking, I believe being PartBlack gives one a sense of cultural fluidity. In my experience, I’ve always felt like having a mixed background made it easier for me to relate to other cultures, it’s made it easier for me to find common ground with people from all parts of the world and all walks of life.
In your career, how has being PartBlack helped and/or hurt?
Considering that to most people I don’t look PartBlack, it’s never really been a part of the equation in regards to getting/keeping jobs. In addition, being my own boss, I don’t really find myself in situations where my ethnicity is even relevant.
In general, do you date Blacks or non-Blacks?
Although I’ve never been in a serious committed relationship with a black man, I’ve been romantically involved with both blacks and non-blacks.
In general, are you more comfortable around Blacks or non-Blacks?
I’m perfectly comfortable around both blacks and non-blacks. I feel just at home brunching with my white friends gossiping about the latest episode of Girls as I do attending service with my mother at FAME (First African Methodist Episcopal Church)
With that said, when I find myself in a situation where everyone around me is black, and I’m the only person not physically identifiable as being “part-black” I do feel compelled to somehow let it be known that I am mixed. As much as I relate to them and feel in my element, they don’t always relate to me, and I won’t deny that I feel much more relaxed once I’m considered “one of them” as opposed to “the only white girl in the room”, which has often been the way people perceive me.
Feelings on “light-skinned,” “yellow/high yellow,” “mulatto”?
I’ve personally used the term light-skinned time and time again in reference to my family to justify my fair complexion. I regularly find myself in situations where I have to explain how I can be mixed with my skin being so white, and the LITERAL meaning behind “light-skinned” always plays a part in my answer.
I HAVE been called Mulatto before, by another mixed person. I didn’t take offense to it, because I could feel that his relationship with that word came from a good place, he uses it almost as a term of endearment.
Phonetically speaking, I understand that there’s something about that word that can be pleasing to the ear, and I sometimes wonder if that plays a part in biracial people using the term to describe themselves and others. Taking into account the history behind it: it’s ties to the slave trade, the fact that it finds its root in the word “mule”, essentially comparing bi-racial people to animals, half breeds, I do find the term Mulatto offensive.
Considering my lifelong fight is with the term “white girl” I don’t really have a personal history with the terms yellow or high yellow. I do know my mother was called that regularly growing up, as well as red bone, and was hurt and offended by it. The need to categorize her as a certain type of black person, made her feel like she was “less than”, that because of the shade of her skin she had to be downgraded to a sub-category of “black”.
How do people of different ethnic groups treat you? (For example, do you feel you are treated differently around Whites than you are around Blacks?)
When I find myself in situations where I’m around only white people, no matter how comfortable I am, no matter how long I’ve known them, there’s always an underlying feeling that they are aware that I’m not “white”. I wouldn’t say they treat me any differently, but I can sense their fear of offending me, of saying the wrong thing. Their walls come up, ever so slightly.
On the other hand, when I’m around black people, the minute they realize I’m mixed, more often than not, the walls come down. I feel very much embraced by them and there’s an instant sense of camaraderie. That being said, subconsciously, I can tell they’re looking for proof. It often turns into a sort of game…”how black are you really?” There’s absolutely no denying that they find me more likable after I’ve mentioned certain things about my upbringing, my taste in music, even my taste in food, that they can relate to as being perceived as “black”. It’s innocent, but it’s unavoidable.
How do you feel when you meet another person who is PartBlack?
I definitely feel a sense of kinship when meeting another person who is PartBlack.