During lunch with my writing mentor at a restaurant on the West Side of Los Angeles, I mentioned that in addition to my memoir I was also working on this photography series, The PartBlack Project. As we scrolled through some of the images and interviews, we noticed one of the staff members, Keanu, who appeared to fit my project’s criteria. After our meal, I approached Keanu (IG: @keanubeausier), confirmed that he was, indeed, PartBlack, and we chatted about the fact that we are both from the Bay Area. A few weeks later, I drove out to Keanu’s neighborhood in The Palms, and we walked around and made some pictures.

Q: Do you identify as Black? White? Mixed? Something else?

A: This question still comes up for me all the time and it’s something I change based on how I feel. Many times people ask if I’m Bi- racial which to me feels wrong to say. I’d like to say tri- racial I think that sounds cool but again it doesn’t really tell you what I’m mixed with. Sometimes I do like just identifying as a Californian, it’s something that would tell you more about me than where my parents are from. When I was younger I never thought to myself, “I’m a black person” or “I’m a latino person”. My family spoke different languages and came from different cultures and I never questioned it or wondered, “why not just one?” Actually now writing this I’m realizing I should just say I’m 100 percent mixed, a purebred mutt.

Q: Growing up, do you feel that you experienced unique challenges being PartBlack?

A: My biggest challenge has always been people making an attempt at misplacing me.

Growing up with an Indonesian mother who was raised in Holland added even more confusion as to how I should, “place” myself. The culture I was the most associated with was Dutch culture and here I am this mixed American kid living in Oakland, nobody looking at me would know my exact ethnic background or upbringing. But that’s totally fine! I don’t expect people to know it either, what I have a problem with is people telling me what they think I am. I’ve been told I’m not really black, latino and asian even though my father is Haitian and Cuban and my mother is Indonesian. My identity as a person when it comes to race has been effected by these opinions. Purity and picking a singular way of identifying myself is not possible for me, I have to claim it all and I’m still struggling with this identity issue.

Q: Do you feel any obligation to any of the ethnicities or cultures in your background?

A: Zero, I absolutely love the diversity in cultures I have but I’m becoming wary of letting it define me. I don’t like feeling like I, “owe” it to my cuban heritage that I should speak Spanish. This is something people still don’t understand when I tell them I’m Cuban, many times they scoff and ask me personally why not. I always felt an unnecessary weight of shame from that but this shame I feel is not rooted in truth. People project this onto me without wondering that maybe my upbringing wasn’t solely spanish. It was as Spanish as it was Indo, American, Haitian and Dutch. I can’t learn all the languages like dam! I barely can speak english well, let alone type it. Plus I’m a first gen American, I wasn’t exactly up to date on American culture either, I was being introduced to sooo many different types of cultures that it almost all ended mixed together. I can’t feel obligated to any of it, I have to embrace and be empowered by what I am. Not constantly doing things just prove to the world that I actually am latino, or any other race. I do need to learn Spanish tho! but it’s for me not my race.

Q: In your career, how has being PartBlack helped or hurt you?

A: I love performing, I act a lot and audition for all types of roles and I’m not always going out for someone who has to be black or latino and I’m happy about that. Other times it does feel limiting because I’m missing out on the roles that do require that. But I’ve learned from going out for so many auditions that there are so many people that relate to me and totally share my mixed feelings. Sometimes I’ll walk into a room full of beautiful mixed people of all colors and sizes and It’s really relieving for me. We’ve seen many of the same stories told over and over again in the movies, people are becoming more open about not casting white people in everything BUT now it’s got a different problem. When they want a black person, they also mean actual skin color and this always hurts my feelings. So many actors are mixed with crazy backgrounds who shouldn’t have to fit in a box of the fiesty Latina girl, no nonsense black guy, shameful asian student and many other archetypes that have to have somebody purely that race or culture. It stupid and it’ll change, it’s great were getting movies for all types of people but stuff like “He’s not black enough to play the role” is very presumptuous and shallow.

Q: What is your funniest or fondest memory that involves your ethnicity?

A: I was an uber driver for a while and one night I picked up a large white man who wore a large leather jacket and some welder goggles. He talked to me about his problems with black people right off the bat while we were discussing music and he brought up hip hop. His frustration came from a strong lack of understanding, he thought all hip hop was a one dimensional thought of anger and violence that only perpetrated ignorance against its own people. I tried to explain that hip hop has many different worlds within it and the messages being delivered vary and a lot of it is not angry or resentful towards anyone. I then brought up white power bands actually being focused on ego and racial exclusivity but he didn’t understand that at all. By the end of the ride we were pretty heated with one another and not talking but for the hell of it I asked what his ethnicity was and he tells me he is Dutch- Indonesian, which is the same thing I partially am. When I told him this his eyes widened, he was so blown away by our relation. His whole mood changed, he smiled a lot and gave me his business card. I knew from the beginning of our ride that id never convince this person that everybody is family regardless of race, but maybe seeing someone like me that is related to him made him feel less excluded.

Q: Are there other PartBlack people in your life, and/or how do you feel when you meet another person who is PartBlack?

A: Absolutely, there are people in my life who I wouldn’t have even guessed unless they told me. And it even goes the other way too, I meet someone who I assume is part black but it turns out they aren’t. Both sides of it humble me in knowing there is unity amongst all people. Appearance of race is hard to judge unless you hear it from the person themself. A part of me is very excited when I see someone who shares many racially mixed traits as me. I wonder if they’ve shared similar experiences and sometimes they do and it can lead to a great connection.

Q: Who are some PartBlack people who have inspired you?

A: Basquiat, Eric Andre and August Wilson were all big inspirations for me. Basquiat and Eric Andre are also both Haitian which I didn’t even know about till I did more research on their careers. All three men were very DIY in their life and I love how success didn’t come easy for any of them. Many times their limitations seemed to help them come up with great ideas. I want to create my work and develop shows in the same way these people did which involved a lot of relentless trial and error.

Q: Have you had negative or racist thoughts about people who share any of your ethnicities.

A: Racism was all around me growing up, stereotypes and judgments came from all directions. School, family and general neighborhood interactions always made me feel separated from different types of people. I shared no racist feelings toward anybody growing up because I didn’t have a race of my own to hide behind. If anything I was always more worried of black, white and latin people being racist towards me. Or the worst is when I’m with a person who is a race that I am but then they start hating on another race that I am and don’t think it hurts my feelings. Honestly if I ever catch myself having a racist thought I ask myself if the negative thought has anything to do with their race and it never does. I have met so many different types of people who are all the same race. Being an asshole or a rude person has nothing to do with it.

*Photographed with 35mm Olympus Pen-F Half-Frame range-finder, 35mm Contax T2 point-and-shoot, and DSLR Canon Rebel T3i.