Dosh
Bunim-Murray Productions employs a lot of staff, in production, post-production, and in-house among the full-time day-to-day operations staff. Among that staff are a rotating team of in-house production assistants who are often just getting started in the industry. Dosh (IG: @ohmygoshdosh) is one of these production assistants. Bunim-Murray has a record of hiring smart, friendly, creative and outgoing people, and after passing Dosh in the halls several times I finally stopped and asked her if she was mixed. She said that she was Black, but admitted that her background was complicated. She agreed to participate in The PartBlack Project, and after work one evening we drove up the street from BMP’s offices and made some photos at Grand Park in Glendale. We were lucky to start shooting around magic hour, and with no light other than the sun we made some pictures.
Q: Do you identify as Black? White? Mixed? Something else? Please describe your ethnic/cultural background.
A: I identify as Black, but I find it irritating when people proceed to ask, “And what else?” I’ve never taken an ancestry test so I can’t get too technical, but my mom is a Black American and my Dad who has very strong genes is mixed with Black, Creole, Mexican, and Spanish and probably has some Native American blood too.
Q: Who are some PartBlack people who have inspired you?
A: I can’t think of any part Black people that are inspiring, but I can think of a few sexy part Black people such as: Zoë Kravitz, Zendaya, Halle Berry, Miguel and Drake.
Q: Which public figure, of any ethnicity, has had the greatest influence on your life? (This can be an artist, scientist, musician, filmmaker, philosopher, athlete, politician, writer — anyone.)
A: Kanye West is someone I look up to. I admire his confidence, as well as his innovative perspective. He taught me how to be brave and that it’s ok to have an opinion that challenges the status quo.
Q: Are there any fictional characters from film or literature that have influenced your life? How?
A: Nah. I don’t see myself reflected in media; however, I recently started my career in television in hopes of becoming a storyteller who can create relatable characters.
Q: What countries have you traveled to, and how does your physical appearance influence how people treat you around the world?
A: I’ve never been outside of the United States of America, so I don’t know how others would respond to my physical appearance. Most people in the states tend to assume I’m either Dominican or Puerto Rican.
Q: Are there other PartBlack people in your life, and/or how do you feel when you meet another person who is PartBlack?
A: My cousins on my dad’s side are mixed with Black, Mexican, Spanish, and Thai, but I don’t know many others. Whenever I meet someone who is part Black, I feel that our blackness is the commonality that bonds us.
Q: Which part of your background do you identify with and/or who are you closest to in your family?
A: I identify as a Black woman but my physical appearance complicates things. When I was younger I struggled trying to balance all of my identities, in fact it gave me anxiety whenever someone would ask about my ethnic background. I always felt like I was going to offend my mom if I didn’t say Black or offend my Grandma Olivia if I didn’t claim the Spanish speaking side. In reality, I’m closer to my mom but I always got the impression she hated how culturally fluid and ethnically ambiguous I am. She would always tell me, “Regardless of how much you favor your father’s appearance, I’m your mom and when they see me, they’re gonna know you’re Black.”
Q: What are your thoughts on descriptors like light-skinned, high yellow, Mulatto, etc?
A: I don’t necessarily have thoughts on these descriptors but it does become problematic when I hear other light-skinned people brag about being better because of their skin. I don’t subscribe to that messaging and hate feeling like I’m automatically affiliated with those types of people.
Q: What are your feelings on the N-Word? Do you use it?
A: Niggas are the only people who can say Nigga, period.
Q: In your career, how has being PartBlack helped or hurt you?
A: I don’t have specific examples of how it’s helped or hurt me, but I’m aware of the privilege that comes with having lighter skin and eyes. I can pass for whatever people want me to be, essentially my physical appearance makes it easier for people to ignore my blackness; however, when they say my name or see my chains they remember I’m one of them.
Q: Has ethnicity played a factor in your romantic relationships?
A: I tend to date Black or Brown. I want someone who is culturally similar; however, if you got swag, height/body, good hygiene, a car, job/goals/ambition, health insurance and happen to be a water sign I’m open to the possibilities…
Q: Growing up, do you feel that you experienced unique challenges being PartBlack?
A: Yes. Growing up I wasn’t Black enough for the black kids, specifically black girls hated me and often didn’t include me. Someone once told me it’s because I speak proper English and sound/look like a white girl. Moreover, my Spanish speaking friends embraced me; however, I could never fully be part of the crew because I didn’t speak Spanish fluently. I often felt torn and alone.
Q: In general, are there benefits or challenges to being PartBlack?
A: The benefit of being part black is that I can’t be defined- physically. The challenge of being part black is that my blackness is what defines me.
Q: Have you ever felt that your life would be easier if you were just one ethnicity?
A: My first thought is hell yeah, but in reality, I’d be damned either way because I’m still a minority.
Q: When was the first time someone referred to you as or directly called you a nigger?
A: I never been in a situation like this, but I imagine I’d simultaneously feel pain, anger and fear.
Q: Have you had negative or racist thoughts about people who share any of your ethnicities.
A: Nah.
Q: Can you discuss some ways friends or family have made your life more difficult?
A: When I was a kid a family friend asked what was I into, and my response was Tony Hawk. I could tell they disapproved of my answer, as if Black girls weren’t supposed to like “white things” such as skateboarding. They made me feel ashamed but I tried to ignore the comments and asked my dad to take me to the skatepark anyway. Now in reality, I didn’t have enough skill to be in the skatepark to begin with but I was determined I was going to become Tony Hawk. My dad advised me to start off with something simple like a speed-bump before I tried the more advanced stuff, so I did. I got over the humps but as I was building my confidence I lost control of my board and experienced my first wipeout. I was immediately sore and had the wind knocked out of me. I remember staring at the sky, too afraid to get up. Eventually I did, but I felt defeated. I didn’t have the heart or motivation to do what I once loved anymore because I was convinced in this moment that skateboarding wasn’t for me. As a kid, I wanted to be a part of a community but it seemed like every time I tried to gain entry I was constantly being denied. Perhaps skateboarding was just a phase, but another part of me always wonders how things would have turned out if I was encouraged to be brave and praised for trying different things.
Q: Do you feel any obligation to any of the ethnicities or cultures in your background?
A: I feel like I have to be a representative for the Black community wherever I go especially in a corporate environment. I also feel a certain pressure to be on all the time so that I’m not perceived as angry.
Q: Do you consider yourself political, and in what ways?
A: Fuck Donald Trump.
Q: What do you think the world could learn from PartBlack people?
A: It’s possible to have more than one identity, affinity or emotion.
Q: What would you tell your 12-year-old self?
A: If you keep skateboarding you can be the first Black female professional skateboarder.
Q: What has been the most annoying or frustrating thing about being PartBlack?
A: Having to explain my ethnic identity to others.
Q: What is your funniest or fondest memory that involves your ethnicity?
A: My hair was my mother’s nightmare! I’ll never forget my first perm, and being able to run my fingers through my hair without getting them tangled. Going to the salon every week with my mom is something I’ll always remember.